Dienstag, 9. März 2010

Moving Cash from Berlin or: How to Play Poker Under New Rules

Bad boys haunted Berlin last weekend: On Saturday afternoon, around 2:15 pm, a gang of four red & black-dressed robbers wielding hand guns and a machete stormed a million-euro poker tournament, taking place in a five-star luxury hotel in Berlin, and collected at least 244,000 euros (video of the robbery) .

Nobody was seriously hurt, the whole raid was carried out in front of running surveillance cameras and now the German press is wondering who could be behind this hollywood-style act of creative financing & redistribution …

According to German Police those involved in the robbery weren’t professional criminals, because they left behind “a mountain of evidence” and had plumbed, as police chief Rainer Wend said, “new depths of stupidity to carry out such a raid in front of cameras”.

But isn't innovation a sure sign of professionalism ?

Innovation drives business !

May be the guys were from Switzerland, a highly- innovative country, which is actually by chance in very bad terms with Germoney, financially speaking, but it could very well also have been local newcomers, for example people from the Lightly Armed Situationist Local, a Berlin-based bunch of poststructuralist-oriented fast-thinkers, deconstructivists & practical media philosophers, who perhaps didn’t want to see all the bones get picked & all the gooses plucked by Miss Sandra Naujoks alias Black Mamba alone. For Black Mamba, Germoneys most successful poker-girrl, honoured - together with stars as Boris Becker, German writer Charlotte Roche & others - also this tournament with her ladylike poker face & brain …

Unfortunately Lady Mamba, Boris & Dirty Charlotte were already eliminated from the field, when the gang of four attacked ...

But the fact is: The Day before the spectacular raid on the European Poker Tour, Friday the 5th March, Lady Sandra gave an interview to three Messieurs working for the money-pages of the “Süddeutsche Zeitung”, a distinguished Munich newspaper, in which she revealed some secrets of her art to the humble crowd.

Because everybody listens, when violence or money talks, let’s join for a minute Lady Sandra explaining to three financial journalists her economic poker theory of bust size, sharks and fishes, which is also a good allegory of the vampyre-like nature of today’s finance market capitalism

Süddeutsche Zeitung: Does your look help you in the game ?

Naujoks: Sure, it’s better if you don’t look like a toaster. But at the tournaments we play for a lot of money – a plunging neckline doesn’t help here. Not even among the fishes.

SZ: Which are the fishes ?

Naujoks: In Poker games there are sharks, the professional players, and the fishes, the victims. Among the fishes are the amateurs, who don’t care wether they are winning or losing. They get sucked out, eaten up.

SZ: And you as professional … you look for the table with most of these fishes ?

Naujoks: A table with much sharks is unprofitable. Generally there is no lack of fishes. They are proliferating very fast, and it’s good so. But all in all you have to say: The field is getting stronger and stronger. There’s lot of young players coming from the Net, and they are playing more risk-taking, faster, and more speculative.

SZ: The prize money get’s higher and higher. Does this attract people who are thinking they could make much money ?

Naujoks: I am going to tell you a secret: As poker player you deal with chances and probabilities. In a poker tournament ten percent are winning something. The rest goes away empty-handed and is sitting on travel costs and entrance fees of some thousands of dollars. You damn well should think twice about it.

P. S. The same day, Friday 5th March, also Spiegel Online published on his student's pages a portrait of a young successful poker face ... Good lesson: In today's capitalism, professional education (or journalism) means above all teaching young minds the science of conning other people out of their money. Non scholae, sed vitae discimus !


Poker Face 1 (Angela singt Lady Gaga)

Poker Face 2 (Venetian Princess sings Lady Gaga)

Photo: Pressefoto Wagner via BILD

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